A stupid list.

Asshole foods that don't feel like they're bad for you, but they're totally bad for you.

• Muffins What the fuck is up with that? They're light and fluffy and there's no icing on them and they're still 400 calories. Fuck that delicious lemon poppyseed mess.
• Bagels Why do you have so many fucking carbs, bagels? you're so good with stinky fish.
• Peanut Butter I could eat you until I die. You taste like kindergarten.
• Gummy bears you're not even like food. But you are.

Jerks.